Parenting....a lifeskill!

Have been reading a lot about the 'soft' skills required for life. Life skills is really a much abused word...swimming to patience seem to fall under this umbrella in people's minds. I have been attending a class called Lifeskills and Parenting. It started off with this desire to try and build lifeskills in my children - they already go to swimming class....and has ended up being an all encompassing parenting class.

With the way things seem to go with my kids' generation, we as parents are highly likely to be flood victims in the sea of issues....holding on tight to that branch of sanity....and slipping off every so often! Already ...and these kids are just 5 and 4. Going on 40...but that is a different story!

So the parenting class has this question that recurs. "Whose need is it?" Not sure if this is a general psycho babble thing or parenting specific....my sneaking suspicion is that this is so with all things in life. So everytime an example comes up, the individual is encouraged to ask questions to deconstruct the situation/problem/issue. The first level deals with the feeling and then we are to analyze the need and whose need it is. An example:

Hapless trainee: My child back answers. And I lose it.
Gleeful trainer: SO, how does this make you FEEL when your child back answers?
HT: Upset, angry, scared that he could become a criminal and back answer all his/her life.
GT: What could the child do to gain your approval?
HT: Say "Yes, Amma" and do what I ask!
GT: So whose need is it for him to not back answer?
HT: (even more haplessly) Mine?
GT: Bingo! (Grins like a banshee.....could be mistaken to be pride at their smart pupil!)

Joking aside, the class is a great one. And despite my shamefacedness at going to a parenting class, it is really useful. Yes, you doubters out there.....everything in life is not gained only by experience....some of my experiences with the kids could not even loosely be called 'gain'!

The deep answer to all the problems is introspection. I mean real problems, not ones where the drivers are on the wrong side of the road. That answer is clearly violence (relax, just ....really....kidding!). But any problem requiring thinking/social interaction can be solved by simple introspection, courageous internal change and acknowledging the feeling (mine and others'). So when my son cries for his candy, I can say, "I know you are feeling sad. It is alright to feel sad!" and run before he figures out he is still not getting it....the candy, I mean!

G'night!