Adoption and Biology

The more I thought of adoption, the less I revelled in biology.  This was where I was when I began the adoption journey.  I did not pooh-pooh being a mother through a pregnancy, just could not glorify it like common culture does (the 'mere paas maa hai' part is still too much to palate....much as I love my mom!).  The tough part starts where labour ends!

Relationships that are sacrosanct

And I am not talking the obvious here - husband, family, children, friends, maids/driver/home helpers of all kinds...of course people come first! I am talking of the daily/monthly/yearly other relationships that add meaning to my life.

My library - online, well-stocked, owner of the same wave length who is angel enough to get books delivered home (and picked up!) for close to free. The library is set up to ask for recommendations and then when they procure the book, to give it to the recommender first. Can this get any cooler? Way to go, Easy Library.

Satish, the Pest Control guy - because without his monthly herbal intervention, my quality of life would equal cowering on top of surfaces, terrified of cockroaches. I can stand and walk because of you - thank you!

The neighbourhood store that delivers - Cannot say more than THANK YOU....you know what you mean to me. Mere words can't do justice!

My neighbour as day care supporter - my neighbour rocks in general. She especially rocks as my pillar of day care, when I am running that 10 minutes late. Our kids are good friends and I will never forget her coming up with a cup of tea the day I was sick, husband was in hospital, maid was on leave, it was son's birthday and I had no day care for him (my closest day care option here starts at 1 year and 1 day) and it was still only morning. I burst out crying because something nice had happened! I said people come first but people cum carpoolers/daycarers come before that! :-D

My car pool - the reason I can work and remain sane without worrying about my kids' safety. And my constant source of fun early in the morning and the stress buster after a morning's worth of work. The kids rock and their parents rock more! :-D

The internet connection - I will be of no use without that. And will know nothing, see nothing, do nothing....'no use' summarizes me quite nicely without the internet.

My garden - This list is in no particular order of preference. Because my garden cannot be categorized. To me, it is part kitchen and all wellness. I get excited by the little birds that come and bathe in my lotus pot (yes, it is a terrace garden, so lotus pot has to do the work of a lotus pond!), the pomegranate fruit that is uneaten by the squirrels in its pot (the 10th one from that plant and the only one to get to any level of fruithood), the rain lillies (I knew it was going to rain two days before it did, people!), my frangipani flowers competing with the scent of the Raat ki Rani...no I am not talking of myself here...I have the whole blog for THAT!

My work - again, in no order of preference, it gives my time and life meaning. It is non-corporate in look and friendliness and corporate in feel (professional and wonderful to work in, most days!). I quit work when I left the US 7 years ago. Meaning corporate, well paying, over worked, under excited career. To be fair, all the companies helped make me who I am and I do appreciate that. Just not enough to keep at those jobs for life. Then a few doors shut on me....I groped, diaper changed and struggled to stay sane. Began volunteering with an NGO, found there were options for me.....got the CFO-on-wheels idea, kicked myself for waiting for a thunderbolt like that and began working. Part-time and a consultant at first and then part-time in name, full time in nature. I struggle all days to keep the balance going, miss my trips to bookstores in the middle of the week day (that is when you can browse in peace....no kids, no crowds) and meeting friends for lunch at a whim. Would not change it for anything in the whole wide world. It is better to wish for a month of nothing to do than to get it! :-D

My organic veggie person - who takes me whether I am regular or not, refuses to sell me palak every week ('too much uric acid is not good for you!'), who works directly with farmers and helps them help themselves, gets me organic atta enriched with soya and fibre, patiently holds my hand when I rant about the lack of good lavender plants and ask for parsley seeds (I found both!) and gives me all kind of information just because. I love you man!

Life in India rocks, with all its downs and mostly ups. Keeps life interesting at all times....Namaskara and g'night!

It has been four years!!!

Valentine's Day is special at our family for the past four years. And this is not related to the 'pink chaddi' movement (no doubts on that - I vociferously stand up for my right to be Indian, not Hindu AND on my own.....I have been grown up and taking care of myself for more years that I care to admit and don't need the freaks telling me about 'Indian culture'). I digress.

Our son Mr. S is 4 years and 7 months old. He came home to us on Valentine's Day, 2005.....it has been four glorious years. Overall notwithstanding some individual days in the terrible twos, tormenting threes and fearsome fours! He is a charmer with a super smile and the much mentioned dimples. Smart and athletic....his birth parents must be pretty special, if this kid is anything to go by. He is generous beyond belief - yes, he will give you the chocolate out of his mouth. And I can't imagine how we managed without him in our lives. I hope he grows up one day to say the same about us.

I think about his birth parents and send a few prayers their way every year, this time and on his birthday. And often during the year when he does something amazing. They were good enough to ensure that this kid got a family that loved him. And our much maligned system actually followed through and implemented their wishes.

Cannot begin to imagine the emotions that they might be going through....would not want to romanticize this too much either. Who knows what their circumstances and personalities are like. This kid is a little beacon of hope, though. A true survivor - more than that, a Thriver. He can figure it out, adapt and truly blossom. All kids must be like that. To me, my brats are special.

His sister (elder by some heartburning 15 months - his heartburn!) is another beacon in her sweetness. She is a kid - she fights with him for a toy and after some time, can't deal with having it when he is so unhappy for not having it. Mind you, that toy was lying around with no one interested just 10 minutes ago.

I have gotten around to believing that the Universe entrusts us with the kids. That they are of our genetic make up (or not) is just incidental. They are not ours to control and command. If we work really hard to build that relationship and are lucky, we hope that they come back to us at all ages. And if he and/or our daughter choose to adopt, I will know that they had a good time with us and that they validate our choices. The validation is not important....the joy of their experience in a family is paramount.